<Alison> yes i have panic disorder and ag ..how ever you spelling it.

<Insider> OK so you have PD, agoraphobia..

<Alison> also i have several other disorders but they are under control

<Insider> are they separate to this phobia of anger?

<Insider> what are they?

<Alison> speater

<Alison> im bi-polar.. and also have PTSD

<Insider> who gave you these diagnoses?

<Alison> my Dr...i had been too many....

<Alison> and most have said alot of what i have heard in group..

<Insider> yeah, they're free and easy with them...

<Alison> cant do nothing for you

<Insider> yeah, they probably can't

<Alison> i have been over medicated....soo many times...

<Insider> what's the PTSD from?

<Alison> they say from childhood..and from my marriage

<Insider> I thought it was reserved for Vietnam vets

<Insider> guess not

<Insider> hmmm

<Insider> I'm guessing these are all linked in some way

<Alison> well the bi-polar is more the depressive side..

<Insider> So I'm going to ask you an important question, because I've got to go out today and buy my ex-girlfriend a birthday card!

<Alison> k

<Insider> So we don't have that much time...

<Insider> The question is:

<Insider> Which of these, when resolved so that you'll NEVER have to suffer them again, is likely to rid you of the others at the same time?

<Alison> what problem? would be the fear of anger...its seems to be in every move i make down to dealing with my kids.

<Insider> good

<Alison> the neigbors the everything

<Insider> so, how do you know when someone is angry?

<Insider> I mean, you can't be afraid unless you know someone is angry right?

<Alison> sometime i can just feel it...by what they say or how they repond.

<Insider> uh huh, what they say..

<Insider> how they respond to you?

<Insider> or someone else?

<Alison> wekkllyes...or to someone else...the anger doesnt have to be directed at me..

<Alison> for me to panic.

<Insider> OK..

<Insider> do you always get that feeling???

<Insider> before panicking I mean

<Alison> do you mean can someone surprise me with there anger?

<Insider> pretty much

<Alison> oh..

<Alison> i do think....a lot goes on in my head before i panic..

<Insider> If you NEVER knew someone was angry would it be a problem?

<Alison> knowing me honestly i would sit and worry about it....thinking..

<Insider> aha

<Alison> but no if i didnt no it wouldnt make me panic.

<Insider> so they don't have to get angry for it to bother you

<Alison> just the feeling they are....dont even have to know ..or see there angry.

<Insider> the feeling they are, or the feeling they might be?

<Alison> might be.

<Insider> how long has this been a problem for you?

<Alison> i would think most of my life. ..i cant say when it began...so it would have to be most of my life..

<Insider> Do you remember what started it?

<Alison> i remember as a kid..being so afraid when my parents faught..

<Alison> and i still get the same feelings....

<Insider> Of course you do.

<Insider> what happens before those feelings?

<Alison> and can remember being afraid one of them would be angry....

<Alison> (most of my past is a fog) so i am trying here lol

<Insider> You're doing really well!

<Alison> i dont remember before the feelings..

<Insider> hmm

<Insider> If I was to get angry, how would you know?

<Alison> maybe i would pick up the way you reponded..or didnt repond.

<Insider> so if you picked up the way I responded/didn't what would you think then? What would you feel then?

<Insider> What happens before those other feelings?

<Alison> i think OMG what did i do or say wrong

<Insider> cool

<Insider> What kind of voice tone do you use when you say that?

<Alison> it would be a scared one..( not sure that a voice tone)

<Insider> So if you said it in a calm, matter of fact voice, would that give you those feelings?

<Insider> Or do you get the feeling first?

<Alison> im not sure..

<Alison> to think that i would have to have the feeling first...or why would i think that

<Insider> indeed. Makes sense to me!

<Insider> So how do you know to have the feeling?

<Insider> This feeling isn't random. You have to have decided that someone might be angry first

<Alison> agreed

<Insider> it's either something you say to yourself, or an image you make in your head

<Alison> yes

<Insider> We've got a chain of images, saying stuff to yourself, feelings here, not necessarily in that order.

<Insider> At some point we're going to interrupt that chain.

<Insider> The only question is where?

<Insider> Where does a useful response to anger turn into a less-than useful response?

<Insider> I'm guessing the feeling you are talking about isn't a pleasant one

<Alison> no but its also lets me no when to run....so i do need some reponse and not just block it off?

<Insider> Wow you're good at this...

<Insider> OK, there are a set of contexts where you would need to run. I don't know where you live but I know in some cities, things can get dangerous.

<Insider> At some point in the chain, there needs to be a decision:

<Insider> and this will be a calm, collected decision.

<Insider> Do I run or stay? and do something else?

<Alison> understand

<Alison> its the fight or flight..that needs to be under control

<Insider> Well, if you're going to run, that flight or fight response is going to be really useful!!

<Insider> but the decision is made first.

<Alison> k

<Insider> And that's before you get any unpleasant feelings

<Alison> oo

<Insider> Do you have children?

<Alison> yes 3 they older 22-21-16

<Insider> so what happens when they are angry?

<Insider> does that make you panic?

<Alison> yes..i dont deal well with there angry..soo this is affecting my whole family..i no anger is normal

<Insider> what about when they were 4-6 years old?

<Insider> and threw a tantrum

<Insider> what did you do then?

<Alison> i handle right.....it didnt bother me..

<Insider> wow

<Insider> so if you see a little kid throwing a tantrum now, it doesn't bother you?

<Alison> depends..if i am the only adult there no..

<Alison> if i think the childs going to amake someone else angry..then yes.

<Insider> OK, that's great.

<Insider> So what in your mind tells you it's OK to panic when they're not a little kid?

<Alison> fear of getting hurt..

<Insider> right!

<Alison> a little child cant hurt me or anyone else

<Insider> hmmmm

<Insider> OK... did you read that stuff I posted on anchoring?

<Alison> dont think so..nor

<Alison> i dont read so much lately llol

<Insider> No worries.

<Insider> Anchoring is a method of controlling your state of mind. Have you bought a new telephone recently?

<Alison> no

<Insider> what else? New doorbell or anything that gives off a sound?

<Alison> ...son bought a new stero ..speakers..that kind of stuff.

<Insider> This has to be something that you need to respond to.

<Insider> Like to answer the phone, answer the doorbell..

<Alison> have a door bell....

<Insider> How long have you had it?

<Alison> couple months

<Insider> cool. That'll do.

<Insider> Now when you first got it, you were probably not used to the sound of it going off?

<Alison> no i hit the roof...wwhen i t did.

<Alison> im jumpping

<Insider> But now you're used to it?

<Alison> no..honestly no.....but i dont have very many people dcome to my house so irt rarely is used

<Insider> hahaha, never mind.

<Insider> has your response to that soundchanged at all?

<Alison> its got less intense yes..

<Alison> laughing but i jump when the phone rings lol

<Insider> OK, that's a case of anchoring. Or changing your response to a particular stimulus.

<Alison> ooo ok

<Insider> Now the other thing you can do with anchoring, is is to have something you can control to influence your state of mind, to produce a particular response from you.

<Insider> The example from the post is probably the best one.

<Insider> Now when did you last have a really good time?

<Alison> this summer i went to a camp ground..and met up with some old freinds..

<Insider> Wonderful. Did you get on well?

<Alison> once i got there.....i had a wonderful time.. before was not fun..

<Insider> I'm sure it wasn't. What did you do when you got there?

<Alison> ..just sat around camp fire.talked of old times....had a meal

<Insider> Wow, I love camp fires!!

<Insider> Did you cook on it?

<Alison> not me the one who was throwing it had the kids cook there hot dogs in it.

<Insider> What did that smell like?

<Alison> roasted hot dog..s?

<Insider> LOL

<Insider> and what does that smell make you feel?

<Alison> hungry

<Insider> haha cool, that's anchoring as well. But hungry isn't what we're after here...

<Alison> awww

<Insider> Where are your old friends from?

<Alison> i live in upper mich amy freind were from lower Mich.

<Alison> i grew up down there yes

<Alison> they came here for a campout

<Insider> aha, and you were talking about old times?

<Alison> yes..

<Insider> good times?

<Alison> i had ment them when i was 17..

<Alison> yes they were..

<Insider> OK, wheat we're going to do, is bring those good times with you into the present and the future!

<Alison> ok

<Insider> OK, now you know that it felt good back then?

<Alison> yes i was young and in love..

<Insider> Wow, it's great to be in love isn't it

<Alison> yes it was

<Insider> Now what I want you to do, is whenever you feel that love, clench one of your fists..

<Alison> ok

<Insider> excellent

<Insider> what kind of love was this?

<Insider> was it the kind where you're really secure, or the kind when you just feel so great you have to tell someone?

<Alison> it was someone thought i was special....and i wanted to be with him all the time.

<Insider> Wow, that's a wonderful feeling..

<Insider> and I hope you're feeling it and clenching your ifist!

<Alison> yes

<Insider> you're smart. I like that...

<Insider> It's the neatest thing just to have gone through something as special as that.

<Insider> I can remember when I was in love as if it was yesterday...

<Insider> I remember it was really sunny and everything just looked really bright and colourful...

<Insider> And a had all these wonderful feelings in my chest..

<Insider> you know?

<Insider> and it feels SO good that I want to feel like that all the time!!

<Alison> smiles

<Insider> Now, I can because I've anchored it, and so have you!

<Insider> Just clenching your fist whenever you felt it makes those feelings associated with clenching your fist..

<Insider> So that ever time you clench your fist in that way in future will bring back those feelings stronger and stronger

<Insider> Doesn't it!

<Alison> i got my head thinking back then ..anyways..lol

<Insider> OK, try it!! Make sure that when you clench your fist it brings back those feelings and those memories

<Alison> ok

<Insider> how strong are they?

<Alison> very

<Insider> Wow, you're so good at this. I thought you would be!

<Insider> see you can have that feeling any time you want from now on!

<Insider> So And it gets better the more you use it too!

<Insider> Now, I want you to feel that good, whilst watching a picture of yourself with a kid throuwing a tantrum and you aren't bothered by it

<Insider> So you can see both of you, right?

<Alison> yes

<Insider> Brilliant.. Now I want you to pretend you're in a movie theatre.. you like movies right?

<Alison> not to go there but i tv

<Alison> ok

<Insider> OK, this can be like your very own movie theatre, where you're the only one there. It yours and it's part of your house if you like..

<Insider> is that cool?

<Insider> Now still feeling good, I want you to imagine that you're sitting in this movie theatre..

<Alison> ok

<Insider> You probably spell it theater , right?

<Alison> dont no....i can read typo better than not lol

<Insider> neither do I!

<Insider> OK so as you're sitting in this movie theatre, I want you to imagine that you step out of your body, and go up into the projection booth..

<Insider> So you can see yourself sitting down in the theatre

<Insider> and that you is sitting down watching an image of you with the little kid throwing a tantrum..

<Insider> are you there?

<Alison> yes

<Insider> Great, now still feeling good?

<Alison> yes..

<Insider> wonderful, now that movie is going to run to the end.. where the kid's finished throwing this tantrum and you resolved it fine...

<Insider> and then freeze it at the end.

<Insider> OK, now this is the good bit!

<Insider> I want you to change the image of the kid into someone else who's thrown a tantrum..

<Insider> And you resolved it fine.

<Alison> k

<Alison> my hearts racing

<Insider> already?

<Insider> OK, I'm just asking you to watch yourself reacting to a movie of yourself and someone else who has thrown a tantrum and you've resolved it fine, and they're happy now.

<Insider> It doesn't matter how you did it. It's just a still picture, right?

<Alison> right

<Insider> OK, so clench your fist until you feel good again!!

<Alison> k

<Insider> superb, now you can think of that time when you were in love, feeling wonderful...

<Insider> and you're still in the projection booth..

<Alison> ok

<Insider> how's your heart?

<Alison> normal

<Insider> much better!!

<Insider> now, I'm going to ask you to do something really easty...

<Alison> okie

<Insider> but I want you to wait and follow my instructions cos we want you to feel good, right!

<Insider> now, the movie theatre has a sound system. And the soundtrack to the moie is circus music..

<Insider> now it doesn't matter which way the film is going, you're still going to hear wacky cirtcus music!

<Insider> and feel good of course!

<Alison> ok

<Insider> So, what I want you to do, is to run that movie from the end, watching yourself, in the theatre..

<Insider> and that other you is watching you on screen going from the end of that movie where you're both happy.

<Insider> And you're going to see that someone having a tanrum in==trum in reverse..

<Insider> Which is going to look pretty funny

<Insider> Especially with the circus music...

<Alison> lol

<Insider> So, only while you're feeling good, I want you to run it backwards, from happy, to resolving it, to them having tantrum all the way back to to start.

<Alison> ok

<Insider> Marvellous..

<Insider> isn't this fun??

<Insider> I wonder if your movie looked as mad as mine...

<Alison> i dont no lol

<Insider> OK, now I want you to go back and sit in the movie theatre..

<Alison> k

<Insider> Feeling good. With your popcorn or whatever!

<Insider> And do the same thing again, backwards, circus music and all!

<Insider> How's it look?

<Alison> funny

<Insider> I bet!

<Insider> Now I also bet you're curious about what it looks like going forward..

<Insider> But before you do that, I want to make sure you're feeling REALLY good.

<Alison> ok fist clinched

<Insider> Because I know I am!!

<Insider> Now, you can hear the music playing...

<Insider> Any any time you want to stop it you can, but I mainly want you to focus on how that version of you on screen reacts..

<Insider> and just watch with interest, feeling good, listening to the music..

<Alison> ok

<Insider> wonderful.

<Insider> How did it feel?

<Alison> i was nerous..but felt ok not ppanicy

<Insider> OK, do it again, and this time the nervousness will be replaced by feeling good..

<Insider> how's that?

<Alison> LOL okk

<Insider> done it?

<Alison> yes

<Insider> fantastic!

<Insider> told you this would be easy...

<Insider> we're not quite finished yet though.

<Insider> OK, when you watched the movie, could you hear either of you saying anything?

<Alison> no..it was a silent movie..except for music

<Insider> OK, this time we're going to turn the volume up slightly.

<Insider> So, making sure you feel good FIRST!

<Alison> ummm

<Insider> you've still got the circus music..

<Insider> with me?

<Alison> can i go back to projector first??

<Insider> sure!!

<Alison> ok

<Insider> But only if you're going to feel really good in there!

<Alison> ok

<Insider> now, you may barely be able to hear what's going on, but just run it through anyway..

<Insider> let me know when you've done that

<Alison> im here ..just hestating

<Insider> don't hesitate, feel good!

<Alison> ok

<Insider> How about running it through backwards with sound?

<Alison> lol ok

<Insider> try it

<Alison> lol ok did it

<Insider> felt good?

<Alison> yes

<Insider> wow. think you can do it forwards yet?

<Alison> ok i will

<Alison> k done

<Insider> cool

<Insider> did they rant and scream?

<Insider> LOL

<Alison> yes.

<Insider> have you got it full volume yet?

<Alison> noo just barely..

<Insider> OK, turn it up a bit and see how that goes

<Alison> ok

<Alison> ok

<Insider> great!

<Insider> Now this is an example of something in NLP called the Fast Phobia Cure. And it uses disassociation to ensure a different response to the stimuli...

<Insider> now can you do it with full volume yet?

<Insider> whilst still feeling good!!

<Alison> yes i can.

<Insider> superb!

<Insider> Fancy going back down into the theatre?

<Alison> ok

<Insider> same thing again..

<Insider> done?

<Alison> yes

<Insider> wow, piece of cake...

<Insider> Now the last step before you get rid of this FOREVER... :)

<Insider> is you go into the screen and be there, watching this person tantrum, resolving it and watching them feel happy.

<Insider> OK?

<Alison> umm yes

<Insider> using your clenched fist if you need to!

<Insider> now, you can turn down the volume if you like.

<Insider> The important thing is you're OK with it.

<Insider> that you feel fine.

<Insider> how's that?

<Alison> im trying to get up enough courage here.

<Insider> OK...

<Insider> are you still in the movie thetatre?

<Alison> yes.

<Insider> front row?

<Alison> yes

<Insider> Well, that's pretty close!!

<Insider> what's the difference?

<Insider> see, in my movie theatre, the other person is huge. Fills most of the screen..

<Alison> yes mine too

<Alison> bigger than life.

<Insider> So, if they're smaller ie real size, surely easier to cope with?

<Insider> what do you think?

<Alison> ok going in.

<Insider> you can stop it any time..

<Insider> you're a STAR!

<Alison> lol i did it backwards

<Insider> weird!!

<Insider> with sound?

<Alison> no..

<Insider> add sound backwards..

<Alison> ok

<Alison> lol ok done

<Insider> OK, how about forwards?

<Insider> with or without sound.

<Alison> ok done

<Insider> with sound?

<Alison> no..

<Insider> whenever you're readuy!

<Alison> ok done with sound

<Insider> Brilliant!!

<Insider> still feeling good??

<Alison> my fist is clinched yess lol

<Insider> You go girl!

<Insider> so this mean then...

<Insider> that you didn't panic when someone had a tantrum?

<Alison> correcct

<Insider> when someone got angry?

<Alison> no didnt.

<Insider> WOW.

<Alison> smiles

<Insider> Let's try someone else!

<Insider> do it backwards though.

<Alison> ok

<Insider> tell me when you're done..

<Alison> ok done

<Insider> ok, now do it forwards

<Alison> ok done.

<Insider> wow.

<Insider> were you there in fornt of them or what?

<Alison> yes i was with them..

<Insider> amazing...

<Insider> are you finding this easy now?

<Alison> easyer yes.

<Insider> OK, do someone else..

<Alison> ok done

<Insider> and this is with sound and everything?

<Alison> yes,,

<Insider> blimey. This time I want you to TRY and feel panicky..

<Insider> really try..

<Insider> and find that you cannot do it..

<Alison> ?

<Insider> what?

<Alison> try to feel panicy...abut unable too?

<Insider> LOL no, do the thing again, but this time try and feel panickuy. I want you to prove to yourself you cannot!

<Alison> ok

<Alison> hmm

<Insider> well?

<Alison> trying again..

<Insider> trying to panic?

<Insider> or trying to do it without panicking/?

<Alison> im not panicing..

<Insider> You mean you can't?

<Alison> yes

<Insider> astonishing!

<Insider> well, we're nearly done here..

<Insider> but there's one more thing we've got to do.

<Insider> remember we were talking about a chain that involved a decision as to whether to run?

<Alison> yes.

<Insider> OK, I wan't to check you can do that first.

<Insider> where you know someone is angry, and you calmly decide what to to do, and then either run or do something else..

<Insider> right?

<Alison> correct

<Insider> so do one of each, but imagine real situations.

<Insider> first one, where you'd run..

<Insider> where you should run.

<Insider> and you know exactly when to run..

<Alison> ok wait... the picture show..i know i shouldnt have stayed...

<Alison> is that what you mean?

<Insider> I want you to imagine a time in the future..

<Insider> where you should run. I don't want you hanging around feeling good!!

<Insider> you know?

<Insider> It's OK to feel anxious in THAT situation. You might not.

<Insider> Right!

<Alison> yes i understand..just dont no how to tell differnace since most situation of anger could lead..to a situation i shouldnt have kept my self in..

<Insider> OK. Let's do an obvious one. Someone is stalking you or something...

<Alison> ok

<Insider> And as soon as you are sure, as soon as you can, you RUN!

<Alison> right

<Insider> how's that?

<Alison> ok

<Insider> marvellous..

<Insider> Now, I want you to pick the opposite, where you should stick around.

<Insider> but go through it. A likely situation in the future, where you see or hear someone get angry and you claalmly decide to stay and either watch, or help them calm down.

<Insider> Or just distract them. I do that.

<Insider> I ask them what they're having for breakfast

<Insider> or something like theat.

<Insider> I want you to experience that as vividly as possible.

<Alison> ok i did one of my son getting angery cause i reminded his of something that He old enought to remember himself ( a common one)

<Insider> excellent!

<Insider> Now, I think we're done here unless you can think of something??

<Alison> not now my heads fuuull

<Insider> LOL

<Insider> OK, but I have some homework for you. I want you to work out the situations where you stay and those where you run. I want you to be really clear in your mind about the difference.

<Alison> ok

<Insider> And you can practice what you might do in the situations you stay. Think of things in your head and try them out...!

<Alison> okie

<Insider> Well, it's been great!!

<Alison> hope you have fun picking out your girlfreinds card..

<Alison> thanks soo much..

<Insider> ex-girlfriends!

<Alison> ex lol sorry....and i get mad when people call my x my husband too lol